The get-well-soon card that wasn’t.

As you know, six months ago my beloved 2006 Chevrolet Cobalt SS was destroyed in a horrible car accident.  And since then, I’ve received a plethora of cold-calls from extended vehicle service contract telemarketers who want me to sign up for their $3,000+ contracts that wouldn’t even replace an air freshener without a copayment.

And I wondered to myself, as I fielded these intrusive and persistent calls, “Why in God’s name am I getting these calls?  Why won’t they leave me alone?  Why must they continue to remind me that my beautiful Blackbird is no longer in my life?”

Then, last night, the mystery may have been solved.

And it came in the form of what looked like a mailed greeting card.

Now mind you, I’m already in a miserable mood from all the damage I’ve incurred, both physically and psychologically, in the past few weeks.  It seems like everywhere I turn, I’m either getting marginalized, criticized, condescended, or castigated.  So when I saw the card in my mailbox, I thought, “Oh, this looks as if someone took the time to send me a get-well-soon card.  How nice.”

Then I saw the postage stamp.  Pre-sorted First Class.  Yep.  I didn’t even have to open it to know that it was junk mail.  Ugh.

Oh well… before I toss it in the trash, let’s see what company wants to sell me something.

Oh.  It’s a Mangino Mitsubishi Black Friday Sales Event flyer.  And it’s personalized to me – well, it’s personalized to “Charles Miller,” which if you know me, you know that’s not my personal name of choice.

Okay, let’s open the flyer and see what Mangino Mitsubishi is selling for the holidays.  Probably a lot of Mitsubishis, I would suspect.

And then I saw the sales pitch.

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Are you freakin’ kidding me?

Yep, this flyer has memorialized that I bought my Blackbird from Mangino Mitsubishi in 2012, and now they want to buy it back.  There’s even a post-it note that says, “See me personally for a great deal! Mike.”  And they just want to see the car before they make me “an offer I can’t refuse.”

What, if I don’t sell you my car, I’m going to wake up with a horse’s head in my bed?  Or worse – I could end up with the other end of the horse in my bed?

Everything in this little advertisement is supposed to convince me that “Mike” is truly interested in contacting me to buy my car.  That Mike is reaching out to people who bought cars from Mangino Mitsubishi in the past.  That Mike is trying to reach his goal of acquiring $2 million in pre-owned inventory, and that my Cobalt SS can help him reach this goal.

And what, if he doesn’t reach the goal, then he gets fired?  Is this some sort of Glengarry Glenn Ross / Death of a Salesman pitch?

I flipped the advertisement over.  And on the back of the flyer, in teeny-tiny small print, I saw a clue – not only to the reason this mailer was even sent, but maybe a clue to why I’ve been inundated with cold calls for vehicle service contracts on my destroyed drive.

The flyer was listed as (c) 2016 Kennedy Marketing Group, Inc.

Yep.  Mangino Mitsubishi subcontracted this little project to Kennedy Marketing Group, Inc., a direct marketing firm out of San Clemente, California.  A quick perusal of their website revealed this little nugget.

Urgh.

So what we have here isn’t just a sales pitch.  It’s a sales pitch PRETENDING to come from a real company, PRETENDING to be a real salesperson PRETENDING to have genuine concern for the consumer.  Yeah.  Just another fake gimmick.  And this company is so insensitive, that they would send me a mailer like this with a fake Post-It note and a fake sincerity, hoping I would be swayed and drive right over and buy one of their cars.

Yeah.  No.   If I want to deal with Pretenders, I’ll listen to Chrissie Hynde.

And it now makes me wonder … if Kennedy Marketing Group, Inc. has my car history information, did they sell it to those telemarketers for a few extra dollars?   Could they be the reasons why I’m still getting those “We want to sell you a vehicle service contract, how many miles are on your car?” cold calls?

I don’t know.  I really don’t.

So let me post this for Mangino Mitsubishi and Kennedy Marketing Group, Inc.

Yes, I bought my Cobalt from your dealership in November 2012.  And it was a wonderful car.  I loved that car.  I paid off that car.  And it was destroyed by means outside of my control.  And every time I get messages like this from your dealership or your marketing group … it’s like re-living that car crash and its aftermath.

But I will thank you, at least…

You just proved to me that I’m not a valued former customer.

I’m just a target.  A mark.  A chance to claim another sale.

I guess you’ll just have to reach your $2 million pre-owned inventory goal without my Blackbird.

Unless you want to go to the North Carolina junkyard and recover what’s left of it from the scrap heap.

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2 thoughts on “The get-well-soon card that wasn’t.”

  1. I still get cold calls, snail mail, and email from the last car dealer where my husband bought a truck….my husband died 6 years ago. The first time I talked to someone in person, I told them he had died, so they should take him off their mail list. But, I guess once you are in a database or on some list, you never get deleted. It is laughable now after all this time, but was definitely uncomfortable at first.

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