Aw, you poor, pathetic telemarketers and scammers. You don’t get it, do you? You’re that thick in the head. Dumber than a bag of wet mice. And you haven’t figured out that if you call me, I’m going to take out my frustrations on you. I will make you feel like you are stupid, and then I will take that recording of us and I will post it on my blog so that all might know of your deceit and chicanery.
Case in point. Last Sunday, while I was making my supper, I received a phone call from the 516 area code. Hmm. Who’s calling me from Long Island?
I answer the phone.
I call back.
Number not in service.
Okay, this means I should be receiving a telemarketing call within the next 24 hours or so. Well, I’ve had telemarketers pester me already, so I think it’s time to deal with the scammers.
Monday afternoon. Phone call. 516 area code. Yep, right on time.
Telemarketer, in a thick accent that makes it sound as if he studied English as a third language behind Klingon and Pakuni, tells me he’s from the technical support department at Windows. He says they’ve been trying to contact me several times to alert me that my computer is not functioning properly.
Oh, yippee. Been waiting for this clown.
And I hit Mr. “Windows Technical Support” with the ten words that should make him go away.
“Why would Windows call me when I have a Mac?”
The scammer tried to go for Plan B. He swears that someone else in my house has a Windows-based computer, and wants to speak to that person.
I tell him that I live alone, I have one computer, and it’s a Mac.
And he starts backpedaling quickly, he mumbles some apology, and hangs up.
Aww… and I wanted to play some more. I mean, Windows Technical Support must be pretty powerful if it can find computer viruses on Macs. Ha.
And yes… thanks to the fruit-branded electronic gear that I DO possess – my beloved BlackBerry PRIV…
You get to hear this clown and his attempts to try to fool me.
When will they learn?
Never bring a spork to a knife fight.
And a few more words for you, my loyal readers. Know this and you will be wiser than wise.
- Microsoft does not monitor your computer from afar. And if they did, why would they call you on your phone to alert you to anything? That’s what antivirus programs are for.
- The next step these bonkbrains try is to make you search through your computer for certain files as indicative of malware. The “files” they want you to find are normal files that are part of the Microsoft Windows installation package. It’s like saying, “The Mona Lisa is a fake, take a look at the picture, if she has two eyes and a pair of hands, then she’s a fake.”
- Once they’ve “established” that you “might” have a virus on your computer, they want you to connect with them via a remote networking connection. Once they’ve gotten that… then it’s off to the races for them. They can compromise your files with malware or ransomware, they can cripple your computer, and then demand that you pay them to “maybe” remove their vandalism.
Not today, scammers.
And if you get one of these calls… just repeat at them… “Why would Windows call me when I have a Mac?” If they still persist in their scamming requests, simply repeat, “Why would Windows call me when I have a Mac?” And even if they try to give some convoluted explanation, such as their software detection is so powerful it works on Macs, keep on repeating, “Why would Windows call me when I have a Mac?” Eventually, one or the other will hang up.
Bonus points if you get THEM to hang up on you.
In the end, however, it’s another scammer’s head on my trophy wall. Ha.