Stop sharing the “shoplifted item explodes in woman’s vagina” stories!

Be warned.  What I’m about to share this morning is both disgusting and offensive and racist and stupid.  And I’m only doing this because I’m sick and tired of stories like these populating my Facebook feed.

Last year, the website Now8News.com reported that a Greenville, North Carolina woman had allegedly stolen a canister of holiday cookie dough at Walmart by smuggling the tube into her private parts.  But before she could escape the Walmart with her ill-gotten gain, she was confronted by a Walmart security guard.  The two tussled, she fell to the floor, and the cookie dough canister exploded inside her.

Many of my Facebook friends circulated that post as if it came from a real television station’s website.  I mean, it came from Channel 8, right?  Somewhere in this country there’s a Channel 8 that’s covering the news, right??

No.

First of all, look at some of the other stories that Now8News.com has recently promoted.  I’m not linking to them, as I don’t want to give any credence to Now8News… but… they have clickbait headlines like:

  • Government Offers Free Birth Control for Muslims and Immigrants in Exchange for Welfare Benefits
  • Woman Claims She Became Pregnant By Black Man After Using Toilet Paper Contaminated With Semen
  • New Penis Implant Will Alert Your Cell Phone When Your Man Is Cheating

In other words, Now8News is a fake news site, barely on the same level as the old Weekly World News supermarket tabloid.

The fake news story itself was disgusting and offensive, and, for all intents and purposes, played on arguably the most vulgar humor ever – a black woman has to steal cookie dough (and other things, if you read the article) by smuggling them between her legs.  At a Walmart.  And the photo they used to document this image showed probably the closest representation to the old Little Rascals character of Buckwheat.  Give me a break.

So why am I griping about a fake Internet news story from last year?

Because it’s reappeared THIS year… with a new, and more distasteful, twist.

The website News10Live.com has reported that a Philadelphia, Pennsylvania woman had allegedly stolen a canister of consumer-grade fireworks at Walmart by smuggling the tube into her private parts.  But before she could escape the Walmart with her ill-gotten gain, she was confronted by a Walmart security guard.  The two tussled, she fell to the floor, and the fireworks canister exploded inside her.

Yeah.  Again.  Ugh.  And don’t even get me started on some of the other News10Live.com “news stories” that they’ve posted on their site.

Okay.  Let’s start here.

I understand that these are parody sites that think it’s April Fools’ Day all year round.  That doesn’t mean that Now8News.com and News10Live,com are the second arrival of the Onion.  That being said, the stories themselves are offensive and disgusting and racist.  And you should not share them on your FB pages as if people might believe these stories were true and honest news pieces.  These articles would barely pass a giggle in an after-hours sketch comedy show.  That, and the coincidence that the perpetrator in both stories is described as a Welfare mom with kids, just adds to the disgust.

Enough already.   Enough.

Sharing these Internet faux news stories not only gives these websites credence, it also gives them clickthroughs – which means they get money from advertisers because you visited them – AND it keeps them in business to print more of this junk.

Oh, and I forgot about this one.

Another fake news site, ScorchedEarthNews.com – which has been posting “Upstate New York is the worst place to live, survey says” articles of late, has added to the “black woman smuggling things in her vagina” story by claiming that a woman in a Price Chopper in Malta had gone into the bathroom with a pack of hot dogs to do … yeah.  That.

Okay, everybody.  Quick rule.  If you see a story on your Facebook wall that involves any woman allegedly smuggling cylindrical or tube-shaped items out of a Walmart or a Price Chopper or some other establishment by means of the two-legged hideaway, and said item either explodes or melts or solidifies inside that area, and the cops / EMT’s / store employees have to rescue the woman or arrest her…

It’s fake.  Fake and disgusting and not even worth your time to post it on your site.

Recognize those stories for what they are.

And don’t post them.

Ever.

Please.

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3 thoughts on “Stop sharing the “shoplifted item explodes in woman’s vagina” stories!”

  1. Which, of course, is part of the reason WHY the news biz is in such disrepute. The MSM, which has its flaws (fawning over DJT early on, for one) has become so blurred with site, NOT like The Onion, or Borowitz Report in the New Yorker, but ones that conceivably could be real. Then they laugh when you get suckered in. This is why I get newsfeeds from the NY Times, LA Times, Washington Post and some others; I need sources I can trust.

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  2. One could argue that this formerly decent paper/website has become the clickbait Times Onion. If Rex still thinks he’s got a chance to be on the New York Times editorial board, “You won’t believe what happens next!”

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  3. This still doesn’t explain how you got your pet gerbil home from the pet store without a receipt.

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